Self-introduction

Dear Professor Blackstone

I am Joel Leow Zhi Yuan and I am writing to you to introduce myself as a student in your Effective Communication Class SIE2016-SEM05. I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic (TP) with a diploma in hospitality and tourism management in 2014. Upon completion of the diploma, I took interest in green buildings and sustainable infrastructure which landed me into the field of engineering and brought me to this course.

My passion revolves around music and I love everything there is to it. During my free time, I wear the hat of a choir conductor and serve on Sunday mass services. With the knowledge gained as a student conductor in TP Chorale, I provide vocal training to people from all walks of life seeking comfort in religion at the Church of the Holy Trinity. It is the “Goosebumps” that thrills me during singing on Sunday services which makes me yearn for music more.

A challenge that I may face in this module would be providing spontaneous responses during lessons especially when grades are of concern. My legs turn to jelly whenever I am made to present especially at a formal environment. My goal for this module is to apply the appropriate techniques required to communicate effectively and deliver a concise presentation filled with self-confidence.

An attribute that defines me is my determination to achieve what I set out for. I believe this value will take me far as I am one who does not rest till the job is complete. I understand the journey ahead is a challenging one, however, with resilience of mind and spirit I am determined to move mountains.

In the words of Saint Louis Marie De Montfort, Age Quod Agis, which means  to do well in whatever you do.

Yours Sincerely,

Joel Leow Zhi Yuan

Edited 13 Sep 17

Edited 14 Sep 17

Edited 19 Sep 17

Edited 20 Sep 17

Edited 28 Sep 17

Commented Blogs:

Yio Xue Le

Jasson Juay

Ho Yong Quan

 

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12 thoughts on “Self-introduction

  1. Greetings,

    Missed out on a ‘to’ on your last sentence,
    “I am determined TO move mountains”.

    Apart from that, the reflection is very insightful and personal.
    Great job!

    Regards,
    Yongquan

    Like

  2. Hi Joel,

    I feel that you might’ve made some grammatical mistakes in paragraph 3 and 4 respectively.

    In paragraph 3, you might’ve made a preposition error when you mentioned ‘my legs turn jelly whenever I am made to present especially at a formal environment’. It could’ve been ‘in a formal environment’ instead.

    In paragraph 4, you might’ve made an error in relative pronouns when you mentioned ‘I am one that does not rest…’. It could’ve been ‘who’ rather than ‘that’ in this case.

    Apart from those, your grammar is pretty decent.

    Best regards,
    Jun Peng

    Like

  3. Hi Joel,

    I have enjoyed reading your blog. The intention of your reflection is clear and it is also well structured, with paragraphing at different sections of the reflection.

    However, I have a suggestion to make. For the last sentence in paragraph 2, I feel that the sentence could be written better to prevent the overuse of the word “that”. It could be written in this way as follows, “It is the “Goosebumps” during singing that thrills me on Sunday Services, which makes me yearn for music more.”

    Nonetheless, a job well done on the reflection! All the best on improving your weakness in this module!

    Best regards,
    Jasson

    Like

    1. Dear Jasson,

      Thank you for your valuable feedback. I have to agree with you regarding the overuse of the word “that”. I will add your recommendation into my post.

      Have a great day ahead.

      Cheers
      Joel Leow Zhi Yuan

      Like

  4. Dear Joel,

    Thank you for this upbeat self-intro. I appreciate the detail you provide throughout the letter, but in particular when you discuss your passion for music. In terms of the music, I’m very happy to hear about your work as a choir director. To achieve ‘harmony’ in coordination with your choir members, you must depend on the ability to communicate your expectations to others, and you must do so in a manner that is both forceful and yet courteous. I look forward to hearing more about this during the term.

    Regarding your perceived weakness in presenting formally, I’d say this is nearly a universal fear. It’s my belief that if the old adage ‘practice makes perfect’ ever applies, it is in this case. As with performing music ‘live,’ once you’ve presented publicly often enough, it becomes first nature for you. We’ll work on that this term

    In terms of language use, here are a few items to take note of:

    1) into field of engineering >>> into the field of engineering

    2) It is the “Goosebumps” during singing that thrills me on Sunday Services that makes me yearn for music more. >>> (sentence structure)

    3) I understand the journey ahead is a challenging one, however with resilience of mind and spirit I am determined to move mountains. >>> (comma splice)

    None of this critique should overshadow the fine effort made here. I look forward to working with you this term.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    Like

    1. Dear Mr Blackstone

      Thank you for your kind words as well as recommendations on how to improve my blog post. I may have overlooked the sentence structure and have made amendments to the post. I hope to learn from you techniques on how to further boost confidence to better prepare for presentations.

      Yours Sincerely
      Joel Leow Zhi Yuan

      Like

    1. Dear Mr Blackstone

      I am unsure of how to remove the moderation of comments in wordpress and I believe some of my classmates share the same issue. I will amend the settings once I figure our a solution for it.

      Cheers
      Joel Leow Zhi Yuan

      Like

  5. Hi Joel,

    I have enjoyed reading your blog. The intention of your reflection is clear and it is also well structured, with paragraphing at different sections of the reflection.

    However, I have a suggestion to make. For the last sentence in paragraph 2, I feel that the sentence could be written better to prevent the overuse of the word “that”. It could be written in this way as follows, “It is the “Goosebumps” during singing that thrills me on Sunday Services, which makes me yearn for music more.”

    Nonetheless, a job well done on the reflection! All the best on improving your weakness in this module!

    Best regards,
    Jasson

    Like

  6. Hi Joel

    My personal opinion is that this is an awesome self-introduction post. By reading this post I am able to know who you are, your traits, hobbies, etc.
    Below are just some comments from me that may be able to help and improve on your blog post.

    Para 2, Line 1. “My passion revolves around music and I love everything there is to it.”
    -Perhaps you could be more specific on the part “everything there is to it” such as “My passion revolves around music and I love everything that is related to it.”

    Para 3, Line 2. “My legs turn jelly whenever I am made to present especially at a formal environment.”
    -The use of punctuation here would be helpful to provide vision by separating the two sentences. “My legs turn jelly whenever I am made to present, especially in a formal environment.”

    Para 4, Line 1.”An attribute that defines me is my determination to achieve what I set out for.”
    -I believe you might have a grammar error here. “An attribute that defines me is my determination to achieve what I (had) set out for.”

    Regards
    Jerome Tay

    Like

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